


I'll help you through this Castiel x Reader

by MollyTheFangirl



Category: Castiel - Fandom, Reader - Fandom, Self harm - Fandom, Supernatural, winchester - Fandom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-02
Updated: 2015-07-02
Packaged: 2018-04-07 09:01:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4257408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MollyTheFangirl/pseuds/MollyTheFangirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Request: Could you write the reader being comforted by Cas after a relapse (self harm) I relapsed today and it would mean a lot to me.<br/>Warnings for self harm</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll help you through this Castiel x Reader

Somebody knocked on your bedroom door. “Y/N?” came Dean’s voice. “Get out here for a second.”  
You jumped, dropping the blade that you were holding in your fingers. “Give me a minute!” you yelled back, picking up the blade from the floor and shoving it under your pillow. You glanced down at your arm, letting your gaze linger there for a moment on the fresh cuts, before yanking your sleeve down to cover them. You had managed to fight the urge for so long now, but today, with some time to yourself at the bunker, you had finally given in. Pretty pathetic really, the fact that you now relied on razor blades and sharp objects just to get through each day.  
Once you were sure you looked presentable, you opened the door to join Dean. “Yeah, what’s up?”  
He didn’t look up at you, busy pulling on his leather jacket. “We’ve got a case not far from here, me and Sam are gonna check it out. You can stay here, take care of Cas.”  
You nodded, secretly glad to be left at the bunker with the ex-angel; you hadn’t finished with that blade yet. Castiel was human now, spending his days stuck at the bunker with you rather than zapping around between heaven and earth, so one of you had to stay with him.  
“Alright. Any idea what it is you’re hunting yet?” you asked, trying to appear interested.  
“Probably a vampire. We’ll call and let you know when we find out,” Dean replied. “Sammy, you ready?”  
Once the two brothers had left, you found yourself alone with Castiel in the main room of the bunker. He was sat at the table, flicking through something on Sam’s laptop. You were slightly curious as to what, but it could be porn and you didn’t particularly want to see that, so you decided not to ask.  
“Alright, I’m gonna go disappear to my room again,” you announced casually. “That ok with you, Cas?”  
“That’s fine,” Cas replied, glancing up at you for the first time. His eyes narrowed when he saw you, into that familiar confused squint. “Y/N, are you alright? You look very pale.”  
You nodded, your hand reaching up to tuck your hair behind your ear self consciously. “Yeah, Cas, I’m fine.”  
He raised his eyebrows as he watched your movement. “Is that blood on your sleeve?”  
You flinched, your heart jolting in your chest as you quickly lowered your arm again. “No, it’s not. Well, uh… I think it might be, actually, yeah. Yeah, it is. Maybe I scratched it on the… door or something. It’s fine.” You forced a smile.  
Castiel put the book down, moving to stand up, and you turned away, pretending not to notice as you hurried back to your room. His deep voice stopped you. “Y/N, wait.”  
You stopped, your stomach churning sickeningly. He was going to find out. “Cas, really, I’m ok…”  
Reaching out, Cas grabbed your wrist. You were tempted to pull away, but you knew that whatever you did, the game was up. So you stood there unresisting as Cas pulled up your sleeve, revealing your bloodied arm, littered with fresh cuts and old scars.  
“Y/N, did you do this to yourself?” he asked softly.  
And with that, your wall crumbled, a sob forcing its way from your throat. You felt Cas’ arms around you, pulling you close to his chest as you broke down. “I’m sorry,” you sobbed. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”  
Cas’ hand rubbed your back gently as you wept against him. “Shh, Y/N, it’s ok,” he murmured. “It’s alright. Do you want to sit down so we can talk?”  
You nodded, and let Castiel guide you back to your room. He sat you down on your bed before sitting beside you, placing his arm round your shoulders and letting you lean against him to cry out the emotions you had held inside you for so long. Pressed against the former angel, with his gravelly voice whispering comfort, it wasn’t too long before you began to calm down. Your sobs slowed, your shoulders stopped heaving, and eventually your breathing began to ease.  
Now that you were starting to calm down, Cas spoke again. “I’m going to fetch some bandages,” he told you. “I’ll sort out your arm and then we’ll talk. Ok?”  
You nodded, wiping the tears from your eyes, surprised at Cas’ concern and understanding. As you waited for him to return, you realised for the first time that you were shaking violently, your hands trembling like crazy. Taking a deep breath, you tried to relax, but it was difficult when you felt utterly sick with guilt.  
When he returned, Cas sat down beside you again, taking your arm and gently pulling up your sleeve. Feeling tears prick at the back of your eyes once more, you turned away, fiddling with the mattress beneath you anxiously as Castiel bandaged your arm.  
When he had finished, you wasted no time in pulling your sleeve back down again. You wrapped your arm around your stomach, still self conscious of the blood on your sleeve, a constant reminder of what was happening.  
Cas’ arm wrapped around your shoulders, and you leaned against him. “So, it was you who did that?”  
After a hesitation, you nodded. “Just before Sam and Dean left.”  
“Can you tell me why?”  
You sniffed. “I, uh… I guess there’s a few reasons. When I get angry, it helps me calm down. Or when I’m scared, it gives me something to concentrate on. I guess it’s just a way of letting out how I feel.”  
“Are there any other ways you could do that? Dean always says that going on a hunt always helps him when he’ angry about something. But I suppose there won’t always be monsters around to kill…”  
You giggled quietly. “Yeah, that might not work. I don’t know… maybe there’s something that’ll help.”  
Cas squeezed your shoulder. “Just promise me that you’ll try everything you can to avoid hurting yourself next time. And if that doesn’t work, come and talk to me. I’ll try to help. Do you want me to keep this a secret from Sam and Dean?”  
You nodded. “Yeah. I might tell them eventually, but I’m not ready yet. It’s just… you’re the only person who knows. I’ve kept it hidden for so long.”  
“Well, I’m not very experienced with comforting people,” Cas said awkwardly. “But I, uh… I’m proud of you. I know for myself now just how hard human life can be. So many emotions.” He sighed, and you closed your eyes as he continued. “But I’ve experienced good emotions too, and those are wonderful. They always remind me that the bad emotions are worth it.”  
You smiled. “Thank you Cas. I’ll talk to you next time, I promise.” Your heart jumped in pleasant surprise as he pressed a gentle kiss to the top of your head.  
“Cas?”  
“Yes, Y/N?”  
“Because I’ve been feeling so bad today… I don’t really want to be alone. Can we watch a movie together or something?”  
Cas gently brushed the hair from your face, tucking it behind your ear. “Of course. You can choose whatever movie you like.”  
You buried your head in his chest, hugging the ex-angel tightly. “Thank you for not judging me, Cas.”  
“I would never judge you. I’ll help you through this, Y/N.”


End file.
